Monday, December 10, 2007

Suck It, Canada!

You know how Canadians are always rubbing it in our faces how peaceful, be-healthcared, and full of maple syrup they are? Well, looks like the master has become the pupil, because here's this crazy kook. In Canada! With no discernible ties the US! Hah!

He was just convicted on six counts of second-degree murder, and will spend the rest of his life in a Canadian prison. Though, there's actually no such thing as a Canadian prison. So. Oh well. It's also suspected that he killed some 40 other women in the Vancouver area. 46 people total!!

The remaining 10 Canadian citizens could not be reached for comment.


Hez said...

He killed them, dismembered them and fed them to his pigs. The pigs were later sold and - *shudder* - eaten by unsuspecting bacon lovers, possibly even me. Gacy was a cheese-ass poser by comparison.

Evidence in the trial included a gun with a dildo strapped to the barrel and countless tiny bone fragments that took teams of archaeology students months to sift through. My friend was a paralegal for the defense team and is absolutely haunted by the things she had to read and hear. More about the trial and the women can be found here . It's some seriously heavy shit.

I don't mind people making light of parts of it, but it's hard for me to be anything but earnest about this. The women, mostly drug addicts and prostitutes, all vanished from my neighbourhood... (the poorest in Canada, where the term Skid Row was in fact coined - and you're welcome, Sebastian Bach) most of them from the street where I currently live. And we all know if it had been 60 teachers or nurses or housewives that went missing, maybe it wouldn't have been more than a decade before the cops actually took action.

Between Conrad Black's guilty verdict and this guy's, today should be a fucking national holiday up here.

Hez said...

*I know the story says between 46 and 50, but the actual numbers are still in dispute. 46 is the number they could associate him with, and the 6 he's charged with are the only ones for which they could gather enough evidence to file charges. Because the pigs ate it all.

Lady Artemisia Frontbottom said...

you Americans are so lucky. The only places you get killed are at malls and churches.

Lady Artemisia Frontbottom said...

Oh, and also Hez..I think we all know that if the majority of the victims had been white, instead of First Nations, we would have seen more movement, earlier on.

LolCait said...

@ Hez & Lady Artemisia:

I'm a jerk, guys. I apologize. Sometimes my "humor" just goes a bit too far.

Cesare_the_Somnambulist said...


There are some really, really bad Canadians. Read this (shudder):

Hez said...

Thanks. Accepted but not required. I'm glad if people find it servicey. It just happens to have all started pretty much outside my door.

I'll be back to jokes about how gay Conbon is by your next post.

Lady Artemisia Frontbottom said...

No apology necessary, Richard. I understand where you were coming from.

Also? Conbon is supergay.

Nick said...

I do this not to make fun of the victims, but to make fun of Canadians in general:

The victims names were Mona Wilson, Sereena Abotsway, Marnie Frey, Brenda Wolfe, Andrea Joesbury and Georgina Papin.

Even soap opera scribes could not come up with names like that. Poor Georgina, Sereena, Marnie, Mona, Brenda and Andrea.

Unless maybe he was a serial killer who only killed ladies with fanciful vaguely-Victorian names?

Cobb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.