Deepak Oprah

Did anyone happen to see the recent episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show that featured Elizabeth Gilbert, author of the ladybusiness spiritual awakening fantasmagoria Eat, Pray, Love?

It was completely horrifying. There was Elizabeth Gilbert, looking serene and benevolent, kindly listening to far uglier people recount their own spiritual journeys and nodding her head softly as if to say “Yes, yes. I am amazing. Thank you. I am also better looking than you. And rich. Are those pants from T.J. Maxx? Oh, Calverts? Even better. Bless you.” Meanwhile Oprah wouldn’t sit the whole time. My roommate and I determined that it was because Libby G. is taller than Oprah, and Oprah Cannot Abide that.

Other than little bits like that, it was just a really fascinating piece of evidence for the Oprah Controls the World case. This whole crowd of women, claiming complete reversals of thought and faith, thanking Oprah for steering them to this one book. Think about that. Who she be? I mean, really.

Anyway, if you missed it, there will be more episodes like that to come, I’m sure. May I also recommend that you be drunk and stoned, giddy from having just watched the Beauty and the Geek finale, tired and exhausted at the prospect of going to work the next day, maybe even looking for a bit of divine intervention yourself.

Save me, Oprah Jones!