Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Language Is Dead

Well, the great thought-experiment of human language has finally come to an end. What were the findings? Well, apparently that "w00t" is a word. Yup, the nonsensical outburst has officially been named a word by that crotchety, schnapps-ridden old bag Miriam Webster.

Merriam-Webster. Whatevs!

The "word" "w00t" comes from something called "l33t" or "leet" that is some sort of computer nerd beep boop beep that is spoken in San Diego every summer, for four days. Though, apparently "woot" has also been used in the film Pretty Woman, when that grizzled old hooker in the fancy new clothes pumps her fist around and says "Woot, woot, woot!" But that doesn't really count or make sense. Isn't that what Aresenio used to say? He definitely was not using zeroes for o's. So I don't think they're the same thing.

What this essentially means is that computers have taken over the world and we will soon speak (if we are alive at all) in a series of whirs, hums, and clicks that somehow denote zeros and ones. By then the world will have mostly ended (not with a bang but with a w00t), the Earth will be cold and bleak, the Megalopolis of Bosnewwashtimore will have either been lost to the briny depths of the ever-encroaching Atlantic, or blasted out and ash-covered, an odd zombie or two scavenging for scarce fleshy remains of the East Coast elite.

The surviving world will dream at night, after a long, hard day's worth of toiling at their robot masters' feet. They will dream of fields and meadows, hill and dale, the guttural grunts and feints of German, the smooth nasal of French, the braying, mule-like intonations of American English. Their dreams will sour as they remember that it was these very Americans who first brought them these hideous "leet" words. But then they will remember that we Americans went first, crushed under the weight of our own deep fried computer boxes. A smile will cross these survivors' dreamy, grimy faces. For that small blessing they will whisper a single word, sending it out into the cold, toxic night air.

A soft, lilting "woohoo!"

Pray for us.

Webster's Word of 2007

8 comments:

mathnet said...

101. 63t 1t77

Lady Artemisia Frontbottom said...

ur jus h8in.

Cyn said...

I had a friend who started a relationship with a guy because they were both into iming each other in l33t. So human language is over. j311y?!!

CallMeOnTheYacht said...

note: I'm the commenter formerly known simply as "cyn." I'm switching now while there is still the new blog smell.

Natalie said...

...softly singing the binary solo from "The humans are dead" Flight of the Conchords...

0000001 00000011 0000001
once more without emotion...

Jimworm said...

Depends on your view of language... are words produced in a word-factory before being posted out for mass consumption? Or are they first used, then popularized, then recorded in history? Are you proposing criteria for words to satisfy to be worthy of being recorded in the collective consciousness?

Anonymous said...

-*

That girl from Shallotte said...

Pray for us, indeed. After polling the recent grads at work, I finally ceded and asked my 16-year-old, cyber-pidgin literate stepson to explain to me the !!!1/!! punctuation in your Gawker posts. Trust me, the devolution of spoken and written English gets more distressing the older you get. And you and I are the 300th and 301st generation with that complaint. Have a wonderful Christmas, you.