Thursday, December 13, 2007

American Sadiators

Remember when the Dream Crafters Guild went on strike? Well, we're really starting to feel the long lasting effects as the television landscape becomes more sere and shriveled, leaving little to pick at but the dim bustle of bodies mushing together on Shot at Love with A Fake Bi-Sexual. Further evidence can be found in the "article" I just read about the new American Gladiators.

Though, it could be brilliant. I recently watched an old episode of the show in preparation for this post (every thing I write here is carefully planned and researched.) It was really charming in its unabashed camp and circumstance. It's everything the cliché implies: spandex outfits, the huge ringlets of permed hair bursting from the tops of heads, and, of course, the names. Names like Flame, Nitro, Pick-Axe, and Felicia that were meant to be cool and intimidating, creating the blurred, futuristic 80's world gone mad that people so wanted after watching Mad Max movies. Well, the names are just as good in this new installment. There's someone named Militia. Militia. His favorite event? Blowing up federal buildings in mid-western cities! There is also a be-pompadoured hobo named Wolf (I wish they'd gone with Hobo Lobo.) The women seem a little more tarted up than in the first iteration, but maybe that's just because I do not, nor could ever, find shiny headbands and terrycloth wristicuffs sexy. The ladies of this new version seem a bit more Maxim-ed out - one is even named Siren.

So, let's all watch and try to enjoy but really hate it but kind of love watching some assistant bank manager from Tulsa throw fuzzy balls at the huge, hulking head of a man named Justice.

Meet the New 'American Gladiators'

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