Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Things To Do When You're Lonely

As you may or may not know, the Golden Globe awards broadcast has been canceled because of that nefarious, utterly useless, Godless, Communist writers strike. Sigh. I had things planned, ballot sheets to fill out, fun prizes! (OK, I maybe more had plans to make plans, but whatevs.) So I wallowed for a day or two, did some "work", watched Freaks And Geeks. And, well, it just wasn't working. I was still disappointed. So, I've decided to persevere and celebrate anyway. And so should you! Here's a handy list of fun awards-show related activities you can enjoy on Sunday, in between crying in the bathroom and staring at a blank television screen (I know you all love lists!):

1) Like Christine Lahti did on the Globes 10 years ago, be in the bathroom at inopportune times. I suggest getting up in mid sentence and just walking away.
2) Keep saying offensive words. May I suggest "Dago" or "Quatroon"
3) Fill out a ballot sheet on who you think is going to win on Real Housewives Of Orange County. Trust me. There's a clear winner at the end of each episode. (It's rarely her.)
4) Watch this on repeat.
5)Write a thank you speech. Murmur it quietly to yourself as you fall asleep. Lord knows I do. Every night.

OK, so maybe you'll do this and it will be fun! If not, you're probably jerks or have better things to do. Hey, who won the New Hampshire Caucuses? The Iowa Primaries?


ephemerist said...

Drink. You can always still drink.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to cry.

And drink!

Lady Artemisia Frontbottom said...

how sad is it that not only do I distinctly remember the Lahti episode, but I also remember that the following year, Renee Zellweger (back when one could still look at her face without wincing) did the same thing.


mathnet said...


Brian Van said...

That Christine Lahti thing was TEN YEARS AGO? I remember that so clearly. I feel really old all of a sudden.

Cesare said...

You are attempting to foment the collapse of Western Society.

Molly said...

"Chinky, chinky Chinamen."
Really, thanks for that.